Friday, April 15, 2011

Day 14: What Upsets Me

Children who do not get up in the morning when I call.

Seriously, not a whole lot really upsets me in game.  The things which do, I have already written about in this blog.  People who are condescending, those who are disloyal, etc., tend to annoy me.  But it's reasonably simple, when your primary communication is a chat window, to keep such things to oneself or at least keep them in controlled quarters.  Just don't type.

(Unlike real life . . . I had an incident happen a couple of months ago when I was in a training session from which I almost walked out.  I'm the wife of the director where I work, although I do not report to him officially, so when the training facilitator asked people what caused them stress, of course there was a lot of ranting against my husband.  Now, I see the flip side of the coin--how he works for half what he could have worked for because he believes in the cause, how he gave up every hobby he had and loved because his job took so much time, how he gave up most of his opportunties to see his family because of his job (we pretty much assume we can't plan on him), how his vision brought the facility from something which didn't know its purpose to something recognized on the national stage in our arena (not exaggerating), doubling the number of employees.  Because of this, they have steady employment in a rural area with very little economic opportunity (he is always conscious of the fact that his decisions affect about 90 people, which is also a source of stress).  And here they were, insulting him to my face--the ultimate disloyalty not only to him and his efforts, but to me, who realized that although I could get along with everyone there, I really had no friends.  I don't know if it was just ignorance on their part or selfishness, but I vowed I would never again attend one of those training sessions, because I could not bear to go through that again.  The only way I managed to make it through that experience without totally coming out with something I shouldn't have said or walking out in tears was by furiously scribbling Japanese characters in my notebook.  Using that as my focus, I could maintain a somewhat controlled and dignified calm, but I almost lost it.)

What used to really annoy me is not being in the screenshot for a boss first kill, regardless of the reason I was not there.  (Hmmm, I think I've mentioned this in this blog before.)  I consider it a great step forward that my guild killed Nefarian for the first time a week ago, and although I couldn't be there because my daughters had a drama performance, I was only slightly disappointed.  There was a time when I really would have pouted about it inside.  (By the way, the girls did great in their play.)  It's a lot harder if I have to be in Vent and not be in the raid for a boss first kill.

Really, the statement that something upsets me is the wrong way to look at it, I think.  I have to remember that nothing can upset me if I do not choose to let it do so.  Therefore, when I become upset, it is because I have allowed myself to become upset.  When I remember that, it empowers me to choose not to become upset, which is very liberating.

I still permit myself to become upset when children do not get up and get dressed when I call them in the morning.

Note:  I probably shouldn't have written this one at work.  Not too long afterward, a fellow employee who specializes in constant complaining went off about stuff, including my husband.  Having written this just before, the emotions were still rather raw.  (And in addition, I had a health scare the previous day, which didn't help my mental state.)  I totally lost it.  Nobody here has ever seen me lose it before.  (Now, me losing it consists of tears and telling him what's what.  No yelling, no abusive language, etc., but I'm sure that doesn't surprise you.  (There was a witness.)  I told my husband ruefully afterward on the phone--he's travelling--and he commented, "Well, maybe good things will come of it."  I can only hope so.)

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